Sometimes when we talk
our honesty is too much
emotions demand their tolls
when words hit their mark
we are bleeding our hearts
to take in these naked feelings
purging our love from imperfection
when our souls only want to touch
when words keep pouring out
our souls know exactly what
does not need to be said
giving each other space instead
Tjen Photography - Oslo, 2015
My word is a gift to you
Talking is the easiest thing to do. Words come automatic, particularly when offloading emotions. We speak to free ourselves from things locked up inside, to let these out and purge our imperfections. However, in doing so do we fully grasp the impact of our words? Do we realise what we say?
Words were created to communicate, to transfer meaning from one person to another. My word is a gift from me to you. It is spoken or written to enrich you. Its purpose is to share my inner thoughts and to relate my emotions. To speak or write therefore is to benefit the recipient.
Unfortunately, this is not how it is played out. We often speak to make ourselves feel better, to elevate us above others, to show how smart we are, to put or transfer blame, to vent anger and to pass on bad vibes to another.
If you are the recipient of painful words, and particularly if you love the one who speaks, you absorb not just the factual information, but also the the vibrations that are carried on these waves. If someone wants to give you a gift, you have the option to decline. When someone speaks, the giver does not extend that choice to his listener. Hence, if your words are not spoken for the benefit of the recipient, be gracious and keep your ‘gift’ to yourself.
A step towards greater consciousness in communicating is realising the purpose of your conversation. This could be one of the following[1]:
- To share information
- To get information
- To get someone to do something
- To get someone to stop doing something
- To make someone feel good
- To make someone feel bad
- To amuse yourself
When communication does not flow as intended or desired, and emotions are taking their toll, this four step process helps to regain a grip on the conversation[2]:
- Identify the event that triggered your emotional upset, as factual and objective as possible
- Take responsibility for your feelings by expressing the sensations that you are experiencing and without victimising or blaming
- Identify what you need that you are not receiving, do not expect others, including loved ones, to know these if you do not communicate them.
- Ask for what you want by kindly requesting specific behaviours or actions instead of making generalised demands.
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[1] The Only 6 Reasons Why People Talk To Each Other
[2] Practicing Conscious Communication